An Open Letter: My Biggest Mistake was Trusting You

Dear Unknown,

I think I have finally got you figured out after putting all the pieces together. You wanted to know what is wrong with you? Why you can’t seem to keep a girl? Grab a seat because I don't know if you will be able to handle the fall from the truth. Where do I begin to tell you the things you need to fix so you stop hurting people. If you are broken then don't bring others into this. Fix yourself before you feel the need to involve anyone in your life. If you were pissed before I wonder how much more pissed you will be after hearing the truth. If anyone has the right to be pissed it isn’t you, it’s me. 

Should I begin in the part where you are the most selfish human being I have ever met and I wish your daughter never meets a guy like you? 

Or should I begin where you seriously need to seek some therapy? 

Never leave an over thinker with unanswered questions. It's the one thing I asked you not to do if our relationship were to come to an end. I shared with you my biggest fears and you did exactly what you promised me you would never do. The truth comes to light sooner or later. NEVER did I think your ego was this freaking huge. Here I thought you were the one different one out of the bunch. Even in your profile picture you have an egotistic look you’re giving. Let’s say you’re pretty much a fuck boy, but not the one who fucks every girl physically (cause clearly you couldn’t do that) so you fuck them emotionally.  

I knew something was off about you the moment I got to know you, but I ignored the red flags because I guess I wanted to believe I could show you that everything is fixable? The many flaws of a woman-- trying to fix a broken man. One of many things that threw me off was when you told me "dating is fun-- even if you get hurt". First of all, WTF, that's not the point of dating. When you are dating someone it isn't for fun. It's to have a future with this person. The fact that you said "even if you get hurt" turns my stomach into a knot. It tells me that you knew what was coming for me. The fun part was for you and the hurt part was for me, as you might have experienced many many times before. In attempt to fix your apparently unfixable self you break others. You are definition of a toxic person. I asked a couple of my CP friends one thing. I didn't say much, I was just curious as to what they associated you with when they thought of you. You know what they all told me? You talk a lot about your ex-wife. Wow, that's truly crazy because now that I look back you did mention her a couple of times. You are obsessed. It blows my mind how stuck you are. Stuck on the idea of your ex-wife who clearly doesn't want you, but I guess you like that she has a part of you because you let her. Like you said even after she hurt you, you still stayed because you seem to like the pain, but in the end she left you and I can see why. She is your drug and you're out here dying because you can't have her. While she's living her best life, You're trying to find these other substitutes a.k.a. these poor women which can't take her place. You are stuck on the idea of a happily ever after with her that will never happen. You have felt so much pain that you began to like the pain and reciprocate it to others. You play the victim in your stories because you love the attention it gets you. The attention you wish she would give you. Moving on takes courage, which clearly you lack. You give up way before you start. You are a grown ass man about to be 30 and you don’t have it together. Take a moment to step back and look at yourself. Don’t you see that time is passing by and if you keep with your old habits instead of trying to fix them you will end up sad and alone? You claim to be positive, but all I saw was a lot of negativity when it came towards your actions. You might be reading the bible, but are you truly learning from it? Are you opening your heart to God or are you just playing another part to this tragic story? Don't get me started on your lack of communication. I told you many times not to feel the need to play along and just to be honest with me. I never forced you to say or feel any of the things you told me. You said I was trying to fool you? But the only person here I see trying to fool you is yourself. You tried to fool yourself that maybe you could finally settle down with me because I was the "ideal" girl, but not YOUR ideal girl. Stop being selfish and stop thinking of only you and what would work for you if in the process means hurting someone who you are getting hopes up for. I knew you flopped because you don't truly feel anything for me. The least you could've done was tell me the truth. Showering me with lies hurts more than the truth because you made me waste my time and lose track of my goals. I lost myself for a moment there. I started questioning what was wrong with me when truly the only thing wrong here was and is with you. Maybe I needed to hurt you so you could fuck me, but thank God you flopped because I don't want my first time to be with someone who is obsessed with his ex-wife. I just don't get why you kept telling me lies, but then again I think you were trying to believe your own lies. Just cause I have an understanding heart doesn't mean we have to be in a relationship. All I wanted was a friendship, but you had to go and ruin that. You ruin things for yourself. Is it cause you're punishing yourself? Are you afraid of happiness? Are you afraid to feel the happiness and then getting it taken away from you like your marriage was? Not everything is meant to work in your favor and the day you learn that is the day you will finally be relieved of all your sorrow. Do us women a favor and stay away. If it’s even women you're truly attracted to because even I was starting to question that. Go seek help from a therapist--if they can even help you. In order for it to work you are going to have to learn to communicate and you are going to actually give in effort to better yourself. Just please learn to become the man you wish your daughter will have. Not the man who will destroy her and leave her feeling unworthy of a happy ending. I am glad she doesn’t see the messed up person you truly are--not yet at least.

You want to know something I realized? you are just like my father obsessed with my mother. Look at him now 64 years old and alone just trying to fill in the void with all these women. My mom was the last woman he loved. They both treated each other the worst way possible, but some reason he was never able to get over her. He believed that we should've all stayed together as a family even though it clearly wasn't a healthy relationship for anyone. Especially the kids. I don't know if you will ever get over your wife, but one thing I ask from you is to stop leading woman on who you don't feel anything for. It isn't nice to hear that you've had more girlfriends than you can count with both your hands up and I don't want to be just another one of them. I don't want anyone to be just another one.